Dream

I was listening to a "new" old song. It's new to me, but it's been around a few years, and it's called "Dream." It talks about how the singer was a dreamer as a child and playing pretend. Of course the singer was alone. This song made me think of my life growing up and on the farm. I loved growing up where I did. It was close to town, but far enough away to have some privacy. The entire farm was my playground. My playmates were any of the 50 or more stray cats that figured out if they stuck around my mom would feed them. Sometimes, my playmates were a horse, or a dog. Sometimes the bottle lambs or calves, and lots of times, my sisters.

My parents were not rich in terms of money, but to me, I didn't know the difference. With everything I had as a child, how could I not be rich? We had awesome trees that held our forts; the south pasture had a hill and rocks on the hillside that were a mystery to me; we had a small pond(when it rained heavily) in the pasture; the hay bales had awesome hiding powers and it was cool to play tag on them. We could spend our entire day outside exploring our farm and "dreaming" of what mysteries and adventures we were partaking in.

Despite all my past misfortunes, I thank God for giving me a wonderful childhood. I had so much fun. Of course, times weren't easy for my parents, but they gave us their all, and I can't thank my parents and God enough for the pure joy bestowed on me.

I still dream that I am at the farm house. I wanted so bad to leave there. When the fire department burned down the buildings, I felt closure that that part of my life had ended. However, I still catch myself driving by the former farm and remembering what life was like years ago. I also miss the farm, space, and privacy. Someday, I hope I can live on a farm again.

I will not say goodbye

Every once in a while, my mom's death really bothers me. Sometimes it is when others talk about the things they do with their mothers or even grandmothers, or when people talk bad about their mothers. Sometimes it just creeps up on me out of no where and just makes me sad. Other times, I feel like I'm getting over the grief and focusing on the future and happily remembering the life before my mom's death. For the first several months after her death, I felt my mom's presence. It's hard to explain how I knew she was with me. I felt her around me. Especially when I was at home or driving to/from work. When I was most upset about life, I felt a warm pressure on my side. It was the same warm pressure I felt when I had severe chills that my body was shaking horribly. I sat beside my mom on the couch in the living room and she pulled me into her side to try to help me warm up.

Anyways, I was driving home from work last night, and the song, "I will not say goodbye," sung by Danny Gokey was on the radio. It's about how after the death of a loved one, we are supposed to move on, but in reality, we can't. I highly recommend this song to anyone going through a tough time after a death. I found God last night listening to the music because I know that He knows I'm still having bad times and that He will stay with me while I'm going through these emotions.

Selfish me

I work as a CNA in a nursing home. Today was a long day. It was my 4th day in a row, I was tired, crabby, mad because I didn't get the 4th off and no one would work for me next Friday. I hated my life and my job today. I didn't feel like I was very compassionate today. It also was my 4th day of having the same group of residents. I generally like all the residents, but when it is the same ones every night, I get a little burnt.

Well, we have a newer resident who isn't doing the greatest. We have to turn her every couple of hours and try to keep her comfortable. When I had just a little more than an hour left of my shift, I went into her room and saw how sweaty she was. She hadn't been bathed in days (because the other aides on day shift slacked off), and she had a sweaty odor to her. So, I decided she needed a bed bath. I bathed her and lotioned her up. The wash rag was brown just from washing her back. I felt so horrible for this person who couldn't talk, eat, or get out of bed. In the several days she had been there, I was the only one who took the time to try to make her feel better by getting cleaned up and refreshed. It really made me think about how residents in the nursing home feel about being cared for. We all go and do our jobs, but no one went above and beyond their job duties to help this resident. I found God today. When I was washing this resident's back, she groaned and moaned. I was afraid that she was uncomfortable, then realized she was groaning because it felt so good to be cleaned and rubbed down. It didn't matter that my shift was almost over; that I had a long day and weekend; that I had other residents that needed help. All that mattered was making that resident the most comfortable I could and realizing how selfish I was being. While I may think I have it bad, someone always is worse off.

Hello!

I created this new blog after listening to the song by George Strait called, "I saw God Today." The reason behind this is because I believe everyone, especially myself, loses their faith when life drags you down. My goal for this blog is to find something about my day that God showed hisself to me. Maybe it is something small and only I would understand, or maybe it is big and meant for others besides me. I hope that all two of my followers will follow my lead and apply to their own personal lives.

I found God today. He was in the rain shower that lasted a long while after I got off work tonight. He washed away the old day to start a new just as I am starting this new blog. The rain will give life to plants and animals, but mostly to each and every one of us. I love the rain. It is so calming to me. I love the smell after a summer's rain and seeing the ducks swimming and playing in the puddles. I love how a summer storm brings an end to the heat and mugginess that we endure for days in anticipation for a break.